Well, it’s all over but the crying.

With a record of 4-8 – including seven losses in their last eight games – the Packers now find themselves ranked eleventh in the NFC and out of the playoffs. A trip to the postseason likely requires Green Bay to finish undefeated and also that the Commanders, Seahawks, Falcons or Lions experience historic collapses. In other words, it’s not looking good.

On the plus side, Sunday night’s latest defeat was probably the most fun I’ve had watching the Packers all year. After the Eagles took an early two-score lead, it seemed like I might be able to finish Prime Video’s latest gem, The English, a little earlier than originally planned. Aaron Rodgers would not so quickly be spurned for Emily Blunt, however, and the Packers quickly battled back with a couple touchdowns of their own.

Sure, Rodgers would leave the field before the game ended and the Eagles’ eventual victory was never really in doubt after the third quarter, mostly due to their complete dominance on offense. Green Bay scored more points last Sunday than they have all season, though, and backup quarterback Jordan Love looked halfway decent in limited garbage-time action.

Actually worthy of celebration is the fact that I am now back in the plus-money category for the first time since Week 1! I can’t believe it either, but let’s keep it rolling!

BET #1 – Jalen Hurts OVER 48.5 Rushing Yards (-110) – $5 bet pays out $9.54 – WIN

Why did I make this bet?

I’ve wagered against the Packers’ running defense in one way or another since Week 5, and while I haven’t always won, I’ve always at least been close. No reason to suddenly develop confidence in that group now.

What did I learn here?

It’s almost like Green Bay’s defense wanted to show everyone just how bad they could be. On Sunday night, the Packers allowed 363 yards on the ground, which is the 16th most in any game in NFL history. Fortunately for me, they decided to give more than 150 of those yards to Eagles quarterback Jalen Hurts.

Hurts broke off a run for more than 20 yards during Philly’s first offensive drive, and it was only a few plays later that he’d more than surpassed the required total for this bet. It was one of the most impressive running performances by a quarterback in many, many years, and while I was happy to capitalize on it, I do wish it hadn’t happened against my favorite team.

BET #2 – Aaron Jones Longest Reception OVER 12.5 Yards (-110) – $5 bet pays out $9.54 – WIN

Why did I make this bet?

Aaron Jones has not only been an integral part of the Green Bay’s own rushing offense, but has by necessity become one of the team’s most important pass-catchers as well. In fact, Jones has the Packers’ second-most receptions (43 – one behind tight end Robert Tonyan) and by far has the most yards-after-catch on the team. If this bet had required a grab of, say, 16 yards or more, I might have balked, but given Jones’s active role both as a runner and a receiver, the 12.5 number didn’t seem unreasonable.

What did I learn here?

Jones continues to be my Lucky Star this season. On Sunday, he had exactly three catches, but two of them were well beyond the required number to get the win (and one of them resulted in a touchdown … more on that below). With rookie wide receiver Christian Watson continuing to emerge as a credible downfield threat, the Packers’ running back might see fewer targets as the season winds down, but the way that Watson is able to open up the middle of the field for his teammates by drawing potential defenders elsewhere could make each individual reception much more productive for players like Jones.

I’ll be keeping an eye out for similar wagers in the future, if only because Jones somehow continues to come through in the very specific ways that benefit my betting ledger.

BET #3 – First Quarter Point Total OVER 9.5 Points AND A.J. Brown Scores a Touchdown AND Aaron Jones Scores a Touchdown (+500) – $5 bet pays out $30 – WIN

Why did I make this bet?

We’re more than two-thirds of the way through the season, so I might as well start sprinkling parlays into my bets on a more regular basis. In this case, I couldn’t really find any other traditional wagers on which to spend the week’s final $5, so I thought why not take a flier on one of each team’s most productive players each scoring touchdowns.

What did I learn here?

The part of this wager that made me the most nervous was the first bit, but the Eagles erased those doubts in a HURRY. Jones’s touchdown (also a reception over 12.5 yards for a cheeky twofer) came in the second quarter and Brown caught his in the third. I completely did not expect to cash this one, but I’m back to profitable this season because of it.

BET #4 – Final Score is an EVEN Number (-105) – $5 bet pays out $9.76 – LOSS

Why did I make this bet?

After the Hurts and Jones bets above, I sort of ran out of good choices, so I went back to the Odd/Even well once again. It was apparently one time too many.

What did I learn here?

Nothing lasts forever, even sweet gambling wins that should have 50/50 odds but for some reason do not. Honestly, I’m not even mad about losing this, since the only reason I did was because Jordan Love led the team to ten fourth-quarter points (including a late field goal that prevented me from going four-for-four this week). Five dollars is a small price to pay to see the future!

SUMMARY

WEEK 12
$20 bet
$49.08 paid out
$29.08 profit

2022 SEASON
$240 bet
$245.47 paid out
$5.47 profit

OTHER BETS FROM THE WEEK

World Cup – USA vs. England – USA to Win (+650) – $10 pays out $75 – LOSS
World Cup – USA vs. England – Both Teams to Score (+110) – $5 pays out $10.50 – LOSS

I haven’t watched much soccer in the last several years, and a zero-zero tie didn’t do too much to lure me back. I get that the rarity of scoring in soccer makes each goal super exciting or whatever, but – counterpoint – a high-scoring NBA game wherein one player drops 65 himself is at least at thrilling.

At this point, I look at soccer in much the same way I do baseball: tons of interesting history, extremely popular in certain places, not all that fun to watch on television.

NEXT WEEK

The Packers travel a few hours down Interstate 43 to play the Bears, who still suck. Will the Second City continue to be Mister Rodgers’s Neighborhood, or will Chicago once again witness the emergence of an all-time great named Jordan?

Check out other weeks’ results, “analysis” and dumb wordplay here.